Comparison Trap

I know better than to go that way, but still . . .


I met Kathy Escobar on Sunday. She is a pastor, a blogger, an author, a mother and wife, a compassionate and beautiful human being. She was in town and shared some thoughts from her book, Down We Go, with our friends at EmDes (an emergent cohort.)

I wanted to get to know Kathy, learn as much as possible in a very short time, and hoped to begin a friendship. So I bought her book and asked her to have dinner after our group meeting. She was generous, curious, encouraging, open, wise, and a joy to be with! I asked her practical stuff, like how their church, The Refuge, does a different format for their gathering each week of the month (because I want Streams of Grace to do that). I asked her about personal stuff, like how it works for her to have a co-pastor who is not her husband, and a husband who is not a pastor (because I want that to work for us too).

Everything Kathy shared was real, and helpful. So I was hopeful and inspired. . . and terribly discouraged because I am just not like her.

Yes, I can be encouraged and frustrated at the same time. Because I get to know someone who is a little like me, which is rare and wonderful and gives me joy to know I'm not a complete anomaly in the Kingdom. But then I head down a dark alley of comparing myself to this person, and feeling like I am seriously deficient in several key areas.

I know better. I have been mugged in this dark alley before. I have repeatedly preached a sermon about how comparing ourselves to others leads to shame or pride and is a barrier to relationships. And yet my mind goes into that dangerous place where I see clearly all the qualities that I lack, and all the faults I have, compared to a distorted sense of Kathy Escobar's Mother-Teresa-compassion and successful-ministry-and-marriage. I feel disqualified to do what she does, and deficient in the ways she is gifted.

Which led me to questioning my calling (I can't plant a church), procrastinating on my ministry task for this week (prepare a sermon), a weird headache (maybe from coffee deprivation), and a bit of a shopping spree (bras and theology books).

The good news is, there's grace. I realized where I was heading and asked Jesus to get me out of there. I stopped focusing on what I don't have, and remembered the blessings I DO have. I stopped comparing myself to someone else, and asked Abba to remind me who I am, whose I am, and who I AM is.

I'm not Mother Teresa or Kathy Escobar, but I have the Same Holy Spirit in me that they do. And you do too. I have a unique and well-designed combination of gifts, experiences, qualities, and even deficiencies. And so do you. I can do good, create beauty, speak grace, be myself.

So I am practicing gratitude. I am receiving God's grace in whatever form it comes to me, learning to accept who I am and value another person, without comparison. I have hope and joy again.

Also, I have a new blog post and a sermon for this Saturday!